I Can Be Proud

Mikhail and Dave were entering the parking lot. Mikhail’s parents had come to pick them up from school. Just then, a student whizzed passed in his new sedan. This was Roger who brought a new car. His father was known to be a wealthy businessman, something Roger was very proud of. If anything, Roger could live only for the pride that came with the dealings and interactions of Roger and his father with the who’s who of the rich and famous.

Dave said, “Mikhail, Look at Roger, so happy with his new sedan. It seems like he needs nothing more. Yesterday he was giving us a session on what all the sedan can do and what speed it clocked. Roger’s a real lucky guy. He has taken his friends for a ride today and Sasha has been speaking to him now. Everyone’s all over him.”

And Mikhail says, “Little things always make us feel good. It is in our nature and of this world to feel proud when I have something you don’t or to possess something rare and valuable. It gains us attention. We are in the spotlight and feel like a one minute celebrity. We have achieved something others can’t. People will look up to us with awe and often, only God is given that honor. We are treated as if we created a miracle, we are treated like demigods. Pride is wishing to be like God in our own way without explicitly desiring to compete with God.

I think the only time we can feel proud is when we are righteous in the eyes of God and have done his will. For everything else, we have to bow before God and Man, like Jesus did to the extent of washing people’s feet. Washing people’s feet in our world can mean doing thins we think is below our dignity whatever our sense of dignity is, whether we are bureaucrats, nurses, parents etc.

But there is only one dignity in God’s eyes: Children of God. We all can pick up a peel lying on the floor. If we can feel like and be the maid for a moment, perhaps we can stand before God, humble and contrite and God may not turn away his face. But who can claim righteousness before God when everything is his grace and we merely participate and attune our will to his good? I can be proud that every time I try, I make a choice. I merit that grace. I choose what I will be: In the spotlight before men or spotless before God. My pride lies in my choice

Heaven: It's all worth it

Dave and Mikhail are walking out of their classrooms. They have just finished their Calculus exam. Dave looks at Mikhail with a grin. Mikhail asks: What’s the matter? I didn’t know calculus was so easy? Dave responds: I did write my paper well. It doesn’t reflect my grasp over calculus. It’s just that I watched a good movie yesterday while I should have been studying. All morning I was wondering if I would regret watching that movie. But my paper went really well. I could savor stealing an hour or two to watch the movie. I feel its all worth it.

And Mikhail says:

When you indulge in something and are afraid wondering if the indulgence will be too high a price to pay. Tomorrow when things go your way, you realize that it’s all worth it. Heaven will be something like that. You don’t understand the pain. You don’t understand how your suffering has value. You don’t understand why you fall face first in spite of trying so hard. Why do you feel dry instead of praying so hard? Why does the world seem not to transform in spite of pouring all the optimism. Why does the world still feel material and shallow even when you try to feel supernatural as if everything counts: all your effort. But one truth will come, heaven will not pass but will prevail and it will all be accomplished. Everything you did- the leaf you picked up, the people you succored, the neighbor you lent a hand to. The kid you helped with mathematics. The lunch you skipped. The expensive racket you let go to buy your brother a shirt. It will all have accomplished their ends. Heaven will make every sacrifice, a jewel in the crown. Heaven will make every moment of trial, a triumph. Heaven will make every moment of effort, an eulogy.