The annual visit to Confession

It is time for Christmas. A week more and the waiting for the new born king will come to an end and the festivities of Christmas, starting with the Midnight Mass will take its culmination. It is also time for confession for many who have this idea of confessions ‘twice a year’. They blatantly say that they go for confession twice a year as if people in a club who share how often one frequents the parlor or a market in a far away town. It is their souls that are at stake.

I have always been amazed at what possible good can a ‘twice or once a year’ confession do to one’s soul? Sure, the absolution is granted because a person has decided to come for confession. The person has gained much in mercy but how much has the soul to gain in holiness to elevate the state of the soul. I look at it as a small worker who works carrying boxes in a company always reminding himself that one day he will command and direct others to carry the same boxes. He will be great. He will prepare plans and charts where the boxes will go. A soul that goes for confession sparingly much to the persusion of others is like that soul which never turns great, which neither becomes a saint and sapped of all its strength without grace, nor can it aspire for sainthood. It remains cut off from the grace that God can fill in order that it can be heroic.

And what does a Person remember in a 3 minute confession? There are men and women who visit the confessional once in a week or fortnight. I wonder if they are voracious sinners compared to the annual visitors. Quite to the contrary, These are men and women who are more sensitive to the understanding and reality of Sin. They realize that the devil is hidden not in fairy tale epics and fables but in the ordinary events of everyday life. He is hidden in the intemperance shown in food or the charity deprived to one’s neighbor or the sloth shown during work or at home.

I find it hard to recollect what has transpired in the month, in what I have done and what I have failed to do, that I have to now prepare a memo on things that I know I have done wrong in case I want to do a confession and don’t have the time to introspect. Who wants to leave the salvation of my soul to the mercy of a general introspection just before entering the confessional? Unless one does a minute of examination of conscience everyday

What guilt has the person taken to confession if he cannot remember sins? The annual visitor simply starts with ‘I lied I hurt I have been bad I this I that’. I wonder how much guilt remains of the sins to experience an honest act of contrition in order to reform. My point is not that sins are not absolved. I am not questioning the authenticity of the absolution. I am questioning the authenticity of the principle elements of Confession: contrition

If you may have observed how Man is oriented towards sinfulness and pride, you would also know that it so happens that after a year you either feel the one you wronged deserved it or that you didn’t do any wrong at all after what so many others around you are doing. So the objectivity of the sin is ripped apart and cases are built by the mind. What does an annual confession really involve? Sure, I will remember my mortal sins. Does the person deprive himself of communion every day until he does his annual confession and he is free from the guilt of mortal sin? A year comprises months and weeks and days which have a hundred little moments of spite, anger, deceit, selfishness, bitterness, accusations and excess? How do we feel alright about receiving communion everyday while we continue to plunder our soul of its sanctity and leave our hearts farther away from charity?

What about those who have not committed any explicitly mortal sin like Adultery or Murder or skipping Mass et cetera? What guilt are they taking to confession if their souls have become so insensitive to sin that they don’t realize what is a sin and otherwise. Pope John Paul II warned us of this saying the greatest sin of the 21^st century is the loss of sense of sin. A person who has lost the sensitivity to sins against the virtues of charity, faith, hope and justice among others, what guilt can he take to confession when he visits the confessional once a year, far removed from the little accounts of depravation and failings. Everything then becomes simply a recital of the catechism: I lied, I this, I that…

Lastly, Confession is the measure of many things. In today’s material world, where one doesn’t have time apart from Television, books, gadgets and other worldly commitments. A person who goes for a confession sparingly knows where he stands in the realm of things. He knows where he stands in the war between the material and spiritual between things of the world and things divine. When one sparingly visits confession, it indicates how much a soul seeks forgiveness of sins. Thus, it also shows how much the worries of the world consume his heart and hence does not give him an opportunity to seek to clear the clutter and dirt of attachments and excesses.

A person who receives the sacrament of confession regularly knows that he understands that all things will pass away for these things are temporal and come and go. But what will remain is the treasures that we store up in heaven. Perhaps we are busier, sadly, this Christmas, like every Christmas buying trees, Christmas sweets, Cribs, Decoration, Clothes and gifts. If Christmas is separated from the message of Christ-Repent for the Kingdom of God is near, then even a Christianizing culture of Trees and gifts can turn but a popular culture of opportunities to have fun. A world of people who simply wish to have fun and Christmas has slowly now become Xmas or Season’s Greetings: Their way to have it.

To Love is to Forgive

Lawyers love building a good case. That is essentially their job. While we build cases to defend ourselves and are thrilled when the case we build is iron-cast. No refutations can break it. But it only takes a clear conscience to build the noblest case, one also that no accusation can dampen.

We have a human tendency to defend ourselves and prove our innocence. Somewhere deep inside of us we wish to be called good and to be acknowledged that we fight the good fight, seek the truth and live in honesty. We may be very dishonest most of the time but the fact that we always have an excuse or a case to defend ourselves shows how much we believe in living by rules, fulfilling promises and being moral.

Often our last resort on being accused of immorality is not to repudiate any allegiance to morality but to claim that everyone around is living an equally depraved life. Observe that we do not say that "I don’t believe In morality at all so don’t bother me". Rather, deep inside, we still believe that morality is a good thing, untouched and unstained by the world’s cruelty and worth fighting for. Only that I don’t wish to fight now as no one around me is going fighting either.

Talking about building cases reminds me of forgiveness. Mother Teresa once said that we don’t have to go on proving to the world that we are upright or doing the right thing. Either they understand or they don’t. If they don’t, in heaven we will receive our vindication.

A few days ago, my I accused my friend of not devoting any time to me and being a big hypocrite talking about love and sincerity and yet not discerning his duties to friendship. Later, I learned that my friend was busy opening and closing his fathers bank account through a complex process, preparing some documents for his sister that was really urgent, helping out another guy with his and other little details.

I wished he could have told me all this notwithstanding that these reasons then would still sound like excuses to me. But the truth being I didn’t wish to listen or hear his story. All I wished to do was tell him how I wasn’t made happy, how he didn’t look out for me and what a hypocrite he was. It is one thing to demand from a friend and later realize that one was unworthy of demanding explanations. It is another to accuse a friend and later find out that he was innocent. The guilt just stifles and creates a tumult of anguish. You feel like you cannot be forgiven

He certainly must have felt like a lawyer wishing to build an unimpeachable case in his defense. But he knew that would leave me ashamed and guilty. I would feel embarrassed and think that I can never be forgiven. He did not wish that his friend go through this angst. He did not wish to make me feel so silly that I hang my head in shame. And so he never built any case and forgave me.

Jesus didn’t stop loving Man while he was on the Cross. He prayed that His Father forgive those who did not know what they were doing. He could forgive because He could love. He realized, that having full knowledge that He was the Son of God, they would have been ashamed to death unto their acts. So He chose to forgive rather than build a case through scriptures on how they got it wrong and leave them shame-faced.

And so he let humiliation crash down upon him for a few moments. He forgave not because he is overtly inclined to forgiveness but because of applying the compassion that if I had full recourse to his plan of day, I would have never cast any judgments. It was not an act of mercy but more an act of love. My friend loves me and didn’t wish that I feel ashamed of myself. Mercy emanates out of love. We all think of ourselves as fine individuals, caring and kind and lovely. That all, perhaps we are. But If we cannot forgive, it is a measure of our love.

Overlooking little details

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us¹

Mikhail just got off the computer as the recess bell rang. Dave met him outside and asked, “who have you been emailing?"

“I have actually received one", said Mikhail.

"My friend has just moved to a new city for his architectural training and while I reminded him that he hasn't kept in touch, he apologized at the breakneck speed of the construction contract and never having found minutes to call or write with overbearing work. Dave smiled at this and said, "Hey Mikhail may be you can get back at him as he never found 3 minutes until you took him to task. He shot back a reply quickly unlike all the excuses for the failures of the days before.”

And Mikhail said,

"Dave, I can embarrass him alright. But I choose to overlook it and have mercy than to humiliate him. I can and I am capable of holding people in contempt and waiting for a chance to lay my bait and trap people for such little details of their excuses.

I wonder what would happen if God instead of being merciful, waited for endless opportunities in little details of our life to see us trip and fall into deceit and error and leave us embarrassed. I would lose my salvation at the drop of a hat. But God overlooks our weaknesses and watches keenly at our intentions in things. His mercy is for giving us another chance, to magnify the greatness of our soul when he finds us guilty not to humiliate us when He sees us covering up.

The death of an expression?

Someone wrote in a comment on a blog that sorry’s and thankyou’s are not necessary. They either show a ‘vacuum’ in a relationship else people partaking in the relationship would not apologize or thank one another. Or they don’t have to do it because two friends understand each other if they are good friends and sorry and thank you become dispensable or a formality.


The point of sorry and thank you is an expression of a feeling. We do it with strangers because we think they are not obliged to help us, they can easily ignore. And yet, when they do, we are overwhelmed by their kindness and thank them incessantly.


With friends, I am afraid, that we 'presume' they are going to help and the closeness is something contrary to the strengthening of your friendship than what it seems.

One fellow says we don’t need to apologize as we can be easily forgiven if we are dealing with a ‘good’ friend. What he means to say is that, introspection, conversion of heart, guilt of hurting another person can all go for a toss. I don't do it, I really don't need it. I don't know or wonder that doing these things (introspection, expression of gratitude) can better the person I am and thus be appreciated better, loved better and hence enrich my friendship.


Perhaps people have too much pride or to less a humility to think something can be wrong with them. They don't see their conversion or 'turning a new leaf' as an answer to the problems with relationships and Mankind. Their notion of a better relationship or a better society is: Look, let me be, let me live, I am what I am, I live life on my own terms, please live your own. I try not to harm anyone and what else could anyone expect of me?. Such a ideology would patently find no reason to acknowledge a 'thank you' for someone touching one's life and a 'sorry' for disturbing another because of one's weaknesses, shortcomings and imperfections.


If only one had the humility to accept what one is with all his imperfections and faults could one be able to fathom how much one falls short of loving or accomplishing something. I say 'sorry' to acknowledge my mistake first, not only to be forgiven. So If I have wronged my friend, I say sorry in order that he/she knows I deeply regret it not because I know I will be forgiven and hence don't go to the sorry place at all. he/she needs to know that I am ashamed of the word or deed and that a heart is meant to love and my word or deed has worked contrary to it.


My friend requires knowing that I disapprove of my own conduct that has hurt him/her. This can only strengthen friendship. A ‘sorry’ conveys that I care enough to reprimand and reproach myself. That I care to keep my life in check and that I am accountable to someone and that I should treat a friend differently, more tenderly, more gently than a stranger.


The same applies to a 'Thank You' so I needn't go in detail. I am shocked that there are those that cannot see the essence of a thank you and a sorry. They are deep expressions of a human being that make us different from Animals. I can feel grateful at someone's act and I can feel sorry of letting another down.


This is an act of humbling oneself. To not experience this act of being 'humbled' and gratuitous, to expect someone's pardon because you have hurt another. To be immensely penitent because that hurt is towards a friend, not just a stranger. I am sad that many would think a Thank You and a Sorry are dispensable

Seeking out our own wretchedness

The prostitute lay there on the ground and the Jews picked up stones to stone her to death. And Jesus said, “Anyone who has never sinned may throw the first stone” Each one started receding beginning with the Elders


I was helping a boy through the frenzy he found himself amidst. He was running amok from table to chair making calls, threatening people. He was expecting a parcel. I had inquired on the urgency of the parcel and was told that it is required at the earliest. Another friend contradicted the explanation saying,

"The parcel isn't necessary. The parcel contains a wire. He could use the wire from anyone else to do his work. He is just trying to get attention by bringing down the house. He wants others to see how miffed he can be. He wishes that others may see how big a muddle he finds himself into and his, is not an ordinary life but one he fights for. Through all this, he wishes to show that he is a no-nonsense guy who can yell at irresponsible and errant workers and fight like a man to get his work done”


As my friend shared this, I realized that I should not have comforted the person as the person only desired attention and I was assisting and thus being an accomplice in the self-indulgence. A similar situation engulfed me before. No sooner had I comforted my little nephew than I was reproached by my aunt for patronizing and encouraging the toddler’s unacceptable behavior. There ought to be compassion but compassion too has a time and a season


The following day, I resolved to confront and corner the person. My speech was ready: You are running after a wire that you can borrow from another instead of wasting your precious time, patience, tolerance and peace that has patently left you quite disoriented and ill-disposed to speak to anyone as you continue to fix a grim and gloomy countenance. It’s not worth losing your peace, joy and cheer. You are just trying to make yourself feel better by trying to get attention and yell at others to get your work done as if to show you don't take nonsense. Deep inside you crave attention


After a few moments of peace, I realized something. I desired to spew venom on him. The reasons can all be good. I wished to cut him to size. My intolerance that such a behavior should be patronized, acceptable and witnessed was more than his desire now to procure his wire. No, I wanted to set it right that I see through his game and he can just relax.


Learn to forgive was the inspiration I received. Forgive him; it is perhaps very easy to prove them wrong. It is an adventure for him to boost his ego of getting his wire, making scores of calls and reproaching people for their lapses. It has perhaps now become an adventure for me to unveil his silliness and ‘attention-desiring’ shallow ideals. I want to tear him apart so that he knows how wretched he is and consequently, I am only going to show my own wretchedness that I judged his wretchedness. I showed no mercy but wished to make him pay for his own wretchedness.


Forgive him, it will do my soul and interior life a lot more good than his own. He may be steeped in the vice of ‘seeking attention’ that it may be difficult to break out. But if I make a sacrifice and forego the taunt, or snide remark or some badmouthing, that he wasted his two hours; my soul only is more purified. I will forgive ten others after meriting an increase of grace for accepting grace for this act.


I am not saying there should be no correction. When the urge to correct, itself is a self-indulgence; When correction is no more gentle and charitable but turned into an evil, it takes the form of hatred, spewing labels, insults, hurling taunts. Consequently, something as noble as correction becomes hatred for another’s despicable actions. Such a correction, if it may be called so, ill-disposes a soul to peace and serenity but leaves the soul in a tumult of seeking correction as if ‘if I don’t correct, the person is damned’ such an outlook often brings out our own wretchedness.