Seeking out our own wretchedness

The prostitute lay there on the ground and the Jews picked up stones to stone her to death. And Jesus said, “Anyone who has never sinned may throw the first stone” Each one started receding beginning with the Elders


I was helping a boy through the frenzy he found himself amidst. He was running amok from table to chair making calls, threatening people. He was expecting a parcel. I had inquired on the urgency of the parcel and was told that it is required at the earliest. Another friend contradicted the explanation saying,

"The parcel isn't necessary. The parcel contains a wire. He could use the wire from anyone else to do his work. He is just trying to get attention by bringing down the house. He wants others to see how miffed he can be. He wishes that others may see how big a muddle he finds himself into and his, is not an ordinary life but one he fights for. Through all this, he wishes to show that he is a no-nonsense guy who can yell at irresponsible and errant workers and fight like a man to get his work done”


As my friend shared this, I realized that I should not have comforted the person as the person only desired attention and I was assisting and thus being an accomplice in the self-indulgence. A similar situation engulfed me before. No sooner had I comforted my little nephew than I was reproached by my aunt for patronizing and encouraging the toddler’s unacceptable behavior. There ought to be compassion but compassion too has a time and a season


The following day, I resolved to confront and corner the person. My speech was ready: You are running after a wire that you can borrow from another instead of wasting your precious time, patience, tolerance and peace that has patently left you quite disoriented and ill-disposed to speak to anyone as you continue to fix a grim and gloomy countenance. It’s not worth losing your peace, joy and cheer. You are just trying to make yourself feel better by trying to get attention and yell at others to get your work done as if to show you don't take nonsense. Deep inside you crave attention


After a few moments of peace, I realized something. I desired to spew venom on him. The reasons can all be good. I wished to cut him to size. My intolerance that such a behavior should be patronized, acceptable and witnessed was more than his desire now to procure his wire. No, I wanted to set it right that I see through his game and he can just relax.


Learn to forgive was the inspiration I received. Forgive him; it is perhaps very easy to prove them wrong. It is an adventure for him to boost his ego of getting his wire, making scores of calls and reproaching people for their lapses. It has perhaps now become an adventure for me to unveil his silliness and ‘attention-desiring’ shallow ideals. I want to tear him apart so that he knows how wretched he is and consequently, I am only going to show my own wretchedness that I judged his wretchedness. I showed no mercy but wished to make him pay for his own wretchedness.


Forgive him, it will do my soul and interior life a lot more good than his own. He may be steeped in the vice of ‘seeking attention’ that it may be difficult to break out. But if I make a sacrifice and forego the taunt, or snide remark or some badmouthing, that he wasted his two hours; my soul only is more purified. I will forgive ten others after meriting an increase of grace for accepting grace for this act.


I am not saying there should be no correction. When the urge to correct, itself is a self-indulgence; When correction is no more gentle and charitable but turned into an evil, it takes the form of hatred, spewing labels, insults, hurling taunts. Consequently, something as noble as correction becomes hatred for another’s despicable actions. Such a correction, if it may be called so, ill-disposes a soul to peace and serenity but leaves the soul in a tumult of seeking correction as if ‘if I don’t correct, the person is damned’ such an outlook often brings out our own wretchedness.