Explaining away Explanations

A year ago, my sister received a call. She spoke at length. After the call she raced into my room and screamed: It was Peter (name changed). Peter was her estranged friend. They had fallen out on some issue and after a year, all of a sudden, he called and my sister was more than joyful to reconcile. History goes that one fine day he just refused to speak to my sister. My sister tried with no avail to reach to him but he cut off all lines of access. She was unforgivable.

I asked my sister in passing: did you ask him for an explanation? She was perhaps just too happy to win her friend back and didn’t bother. I was assertive: you mean he did not apologize or explain his behavior? Does that mean you’ll don’t start from clear consciences but just take off where you’ll left it? Unexplained and open chapters that you’ll are just bypassing? Wouldn’t it bother you? How could he act so? Just put the plug on communication one day and on another, resume it. Doesn’t it matter to him what you think of it? He starts it, he stops it, never mind what you feel? He is treating you like an object.

She understood but did not comply. Why? Why didn’t she yield to my reasoning and be urged to action? I am glad she didn’t toe the line to my reason for what I am about to tell you. A month ago I had a mild tiff with my friend. I fantasized receiving a call from my own version of an ‘estranged friend’ (I actually waited two days for that call). I wondered how it would it be; what I would tell her. I promised myself I won’t rake the past and embarrass her.

Oops! I have just hit a ‘contradicting your own principle speed breaker’. Was I turning back on my principle? I recalled the incident with my sister and what I thought then was weak and submissive(of her) suddenly dawned on me to what it really is: Compassion. I will give you another one: Forgiveness. I learned something by just fantasizing that call.

I didn’t require an explanation because I had forgiven the person. There is no need for explanation to comfort me anymore. People desire explanations when they are unwilling to forgive others easily (unless it’s a job and responsibility has to be pinned for atonement, c’mon we know the difference between two friends and a professional arena).

People want explanations on why they were treated like objects (remember my sister?) but isn’t that what Christianity teaches us? That people are going to persecute you, anyone can love a friend, great is the one who can love his enemies, pray for those who persecute you, this is my command, that you love one another as I have loved you(the ‘my’ & ‘I’ is Jesus)
In a nutshell, Christianity says forgive others when they don’t give you what is due to you: respect, dignity. Isn’t forgiveness all about being alright about being treated like objects not because you are a pushover but precisely because you have managed to kill your pride and drown your ego?

That you think you are not beyond humiliation if Jesus Himself was humiliated, spat on, slapped, scourged? If God could empty out himself and take the form of Man for love, surely we could also lower our guard and confess: alright, so my friend tripped. Do I have to embarrass him by asking uncomfortable questions? This for me is at the heart of forgiveness.

A lot of people might seem to tell us that “Oh Forgiveness needs lot of love and generosity” True. I don’t disagree one bit. But another interesting point I have to add is that: Knowing our own limitations that we aren’t infallible and are just as inclined to fall as anyone else: Humility. Humility also helps to forgive. Humility is the Arch of Forgiveness.