Inability and Action

I wanted to skip college today. I had had it with lectures, and coming in for a few hours and leaving very early so much to make you feel that you just came to show your face. When I thought about skipping class, lots of things came to my mind. why was it not easy to just skip college? There was something holding me back. What was it? I was not alone. My decision didn’t affect myself alone anymore. My project team and I had to visit our project guide. If I was missing, I thought…”Well, they would just go, do their thing and return…they don’t need me”. But the choice I had to make now is between responsibility and ‘affording to skip as they can do without me’. Do I get to skip college just because they can take care of themselves and can pull it off without me? does responsibility not demand my presence? What if they wished to use the same reasons and skip college leaving the onus on me to visit the guide and face some music alone? May be they would not go to the guide entirely and call for going some other day when I am present. My selfishness to stay at home would cost me anyways. It would be yet another day we schooled without meeting our guide. I was caught in a tussle between my own comfort and my responsibility towards others. The presence that is neeed, the contribution through words, through ideas, through sharing the anxeity while reaching her cabin, the suffering to be shared, the confusion to be shared and sharing the misdeamonrs of not completing what was resolved for. I would not be present for all of these and 60 strikes would have to be borne by my team in halves when we could bear twenty each. Would I want to be there to stare at the computer screen clueless or wish to stay at home because anyways I know I do not write the program as my team member does…so he doesn’t need me. But am I willing to share the boredom with him? When he is suffering with a piece of code he cannot unravel, am I present to at least share the perplexity? If not contribute then atleast share my part of the responsibility in being aware of what is the perplexity all about? THIS IS RESPONSIBILITY. Or do I say I have other professional priorities and so my hands are tied. May be you do have professional commitments, may be you do play professionally or are engaged in meetings regularly. I can express my inability and people will surely understand but when am I going to do something about it? when am I going to do something about recovering from the inability for I have fallen short of what I should not. And so I may often express my inability (say may be towards my responsibility) but when am I willing to atone, compensate and do damage control for it? Much of our character is not in the weakness of failings but how we mourn them. Man always fails. But How he rises, ‘makes do’, measures up and owns up is left to live the life that is offered. How far can I go to prove-That was not ‘me’ who failed..It is me but someone I wish to isolate from as I have risen again like the morning sun…and he has set like with the evening dusk. For most of us our dusk is still on…