The Joy of being Joyful

Today morning, I was thinking of the challenges facing me and the day that awaits me. Challenges and problems never bring a smile to one's face. It can, I don't deny that. When you reach a place where you accept trials and tribulations with a big heart and try to be worthy of your suffering, I don't see why even this can't then be a virtue: To pursue dignity of suffering
In all this, I remembered the Manchester United v/s AS Roma leg which is going to be aired LIVE at midnight. Suddenly there was a smile on my face. What happened now that suddenly I couldn't recall the same 'challenges' that could never allow a smile? It is the joy of being joyful. What If I never liked Manchester United? What if I never watched EPL? One joy less for the day? Or no joy at all for the day? Somehow I have developed a liking for EPL and MANU but what has happened now is that all these little things that I like and keep track of helps me be more of myself everyday. Its a personal joy. If college lectures are cancelled, its a joy shared by all. But when I did a recce of the paper and learned that the match is held today, I thanked God for allowing me to feel joyful of time to come...this Joy may work its way into me being more sincere with other activities and commitments preceding it. It may see me more cheerful towards people and they many never even know what hit me. It was joy for joy, the joy of things to come that God prepares for me, a little banquet. He makes (allows) me develop tastes and hobbies, fancy clubs and teams so that this joy may aid my day as a paltry hope sustaining a day of my life and conversations with friends, an aid to discover myself and live in another Hope of all the very same 'tastes' and fascinations that God has in store for me...

Finest Writing on Christianity...Imitation Of Christ

Today, I read one of the finest Writings on Christianity or rather Christianity in a nutshell. Now hold on to your horses The Universe might expand into infinity but if you gauge the content written on Christianity it would still overpower. That I understand that I have not read everything available, may be not even touched the finest at the surface. But let me tell you-Royal Road of the Holy Cross from Imitation of Christ hitherto is one of the finest things written say describing what the Cross is all about...Read it...if you don't have Imitation of Christ...buy it...

Faith and Season

I remember once my dad asking me: Why don't you feel about God the way I feel. Well somewhere on those lines. I was aware that I don't feel as intensely about God as my Dad does or may be I do but not in the way my Dad does. My dad feels about God very much as a grateful servant does who owes his whole life to his master. Then, I felt about God more as a 'seeker', a boy on a soujourn trying to unravel in his own sweet time about God. I said to him: You all have reached an age where you all have realized where can you all go now, but find your hope in God but as for us, it doesn't hit us on the face that hard. Things have changed in the past year but I cannot quite pin point what event or series of events were the 'flash points'. I boarded a bus to college in the morning after Mass and I realized, Life had come full circle. I had found an answer to my Dad's question or rather stumbled upon it. It was reality now: I was working towards my faith. I was living for God. I was working towards what awaits me in heaven. Until now it was more of being lost in a semantic world or words: Oh I am just being a good Christian...well this is what God expects of me...I had some free time. No Let me put down what I am doing. I am just reminding myself everyday when I can of ''why I am here and 'what I should do' about it, How I should grow into the new revelation of this life and its purpose...how should I be 'Rickson' and how should I just be an instrument of God's plan. Some times both eventaully both converge to be 'one' if I want to...that is, that the greatest expression of freedom is in doing God's will.

Rising higher than Oneself

Today Morning, I went for what would be my last Catechism class for the year to Our Lady's Home for boys. Rohan came along on Javier's insistence. I remembered something Fr. Ruhi had told us during the year. He said: How many boys would prefer doing some service to the church or something extraneous in their life for others, 8 in the morning, over sleeping until late morning. I shared that with Rohan and told him: How does it feel coming here 8 in the morning instead of choosing to sleep it off? There is so much more we can do and even the already existing...so much better than how we are doing it..but somehow we choose to either laze around or remain with the status quo.
One of my friend had come down a few days back from Delhi to Bombay to take a break from work. She was in Bombay since Tuesday. I could have met her on any day since Tuesday. On Sunday she called me and when I got back to her, I learned she was leaving next morning. I thought to myself: If I have to speak to her at least once before she leaves, that would be enough. If I don't manage to speak to her that wouldn't be good. And then I thought...Why couldn't I rise higher than what I am? I can be better than this...each time and every time better than what I am being...even right now. there is a snack parlor just below her window. I could have asked her for 20 minutes of her time and she would have obliged. I could spend talking to her in person seeing her after so long. But I chose to 'get it done' on the phone and call it 'dealt with'. Beware...Rickson! Its is one thing to 'get it done' and another to sanctify it and dignify it.
We all, during the hours of the day fall prey to do lets 'get it done' or 'dealt with' and go further to call them achievements. They might be achievements in our eyes like how we decide our own rules of how things should be done or how we should conduct ourselves and go on to say that It is my personality to do it like this or I do it so as I can't do it like others do it as I am unique.
An evening still awaits me. It awaits me to make the choice still in the offing. To meet her at the parlor and surprise her. She probably also thought it was always about lets 'get it done'. It was time not so much to change...that would be revolution. It was time just to rise higher for oneself like struggle everyday a revolt within oneself actually and for others who wish to be inspired...give them Hope

Christianity and Salvation and 'Others'

Yesterday, after the meditation, I was talking to Kevin. While discussing about who is a moral theologian, our conversations navigated itself to salvation. I was aghast when he told me that even a morally upright person who didn't know anything about christ is still a candidate for salvation. He was of the opinion that they can't be locked out just because they never encountered christ in their lives. It was not even his opinion but sound and clarified evidence in the compendium and catholic theology. I found my ego hurt a little not because I wanted to bask in glory of being a chosen one or already belonging to the fold but because I thought an encounter with Christ and Baptism were serious and once-in-a-lifetime encounters none compared to any other alternatives that suffice to subtend a berth in heaven. Kevin made me 'understand' otherwise. Truly there is a lot to learn...

God makes a way

I boarded a crowded bus and I wasn't travelling long distance. this would pose a problem as one boards a bus from the posterior and alights from the front. So making my way to the front would be a herculean task brushing people who don't really co-operate and are very quick to be miffed.
I couldn't do anything. It was a bad choice: getting in a long distance bus which is overly crowded especially with people who are travelling long distance. As usual, I began to pray not to come to my succor but just usually using the time in the bus and the craziness to be put to good use. Somehow when my stop was nearing I knew one possibility was turning real: That I will not get to alight where I am supposed to. They say, God will make a way where there seems to be no way.
A man standing behind me began to push savagely. And I subsequently made way as he was trying to get down too. Soon I realized I was at the front ready to get down. Somehow knowing the man behind me had to get down too and wasn't ready to alight anywhere else helped me to make way and reach at the front. Few minutes before I was clueless and now I found myself alighting down peacefully. I surrendered and god found a way.

The guilt of Insincerity

Two days back I was sitting with Michelle in class. We were all talking about who studies and how much. Of late I have been dwelling a lot on St. Josemaria's words in The Way: One hour of study for a modern apostle is one hour of prayer.
Michelle kept calling me 'scholar boy' and said she never studies at all. Siddesh also was derided for studying with 3 books. Well I got thinking that I don't study often because I want to or because I find myself a 'scholar boy'. I do it because insincerity kills me from within. Insincerity pains me to such an extent that I do not know what else to do but take refuge in sincerity.

Bioethics and the Church

I attended a talk after meditation yesterday on Bioethics. Mr. Carvalho who was an eminent doctor in the field and a crusader of Right to life, a member of the pontifical academy for life and recently appointed to the Vatican shared some of his experiences on being part of the conclave in Rome.
The talk centered around what was discussed and not the discussion itself which would be patently unwieldy. we had dinner and each one fell into conversation. After a while Mariano brought the Autograph book to be signed by Mr. Carvalho. Mr. Carvalho wrote the usual like everyone else do..."Thank you for this opportunity..." He then wrote something that impressed me beyond compare. He ended the autograph writing: It is always an honor to defend the Church

This moved me immensely. That people take the church seriously and make 'defending' it, a life of their own as if living two lives, one your own and one defending the church.

Prayer works both ways

I was visiting the optician in the evening. On my way I was praying to God to give my sister grace because she yells at us, her siblings and snaps. We all do that actually but I had finally decided to change myself. In our family we hadn't really learned how to talk to each other and conduct ourselves. We hadn't learned to talk to each other in love or atleast conduct ourselves with dignity if we need someting or have to reproach someone or assert ourselves. Nothing was an arugment, everything was a scuffle or a face-off. If a friend is correcting his friend, it is very easy to be yourself. But if you are correcting a stranger or someone you barely talk to, he may think why does he have to face your music unless you do it with love. Such is our relationships in our family. Everyone thinks that each is giving us the music.
So I prayed that God give my sister grace to learn to talk properly. In the evening my sister wished that I bring her some snack from the shop. I brought it from the shop she most despised and also brought something she did not prefer. So began the questions on why couldn't I confirm before bringing it, Why did I not bring it from the shop close to our house, why did you not do this and why did you not do that...
I was losing it and thought I could join the 'why' brigade. I only said: If that is the case then you rather bring yourself what you wish to eat" Something I have always maintained. But her 'Why's continued. After some time I just said: I am sorry for doing this and you don't have to eat it...Its ok. She said ok and hung the phone. When I kept the phone I realized that I had apologized to someone and it felt great. I felt like i had cut my pride down to size. I have always apologizes for my own failings. But I really didn't look at this thing as a failing. I looked at this as someone needing a favor and then 'biting the hand that favors'. I then realized God gave me the grace to tolerate her questions and accept the situation first before deciding to giver her Grace.

Respecting everydody

Tej was arguing about something with a friend. He was so sure that it is not possible that he claimed: If this is possible I am ready to date Hetal. Hetal was outcast of sorts in our class. No one sat with her and not many talked to her. In a way he was gauzing the impossibility of the task by his readiness to date a girl who he will have to condescend to her status. implicitly what he meant is that This girl is below his dignity and he would be ready to date her if he was proved wrong. We often do not comprehend the harm caused by little things. How can someone no matter how obnoxious be below dignity as a human being. The argument I am applying here is that eventually someone will get married to her. For someone she is going to be his world. But we strip off the humanity of a person because apparently everyone thinks so of a person by not dignifying the person. Everyone deserves their Dignity no matter who they are.

About Sincerity

I was conveying to kenric that we hadn't really been very honest in playing the game fair. We fouled the players clandestinely. Kenric said: We did it when the referee wasn't looking.
I told him: Why do it at all? If we can win, we should be able to win without fouling else it just means we couldn't do without fouling and thus we are not really the best team. I further added that We have to be sincere even if the referee isn't watching. Kenric said: It was just a simple football match not an international match. I asked him if that makes a difference. Let us be sincere in everyday ordinary activities no matter how commonplace they are. God is watching all of these and not only international matches. And if you do have to be sincere, then be sincere all the time. why choose when to be sincere and otherwise? The goodness of the sincerity is in the choice to be sincere and not how much fruit the actions of sincerity will bear (say in an international game, it may bear much fruit to be sincere)

Insincerity causing me pain

Of late I have begun to understand how sincerity is a path to holiness. After a lot of coaxing from the meditations of talks of and by the opus dei, I have only now imbibed in my mind, how god may be looking down if I am being sincere, more so If I am being sincere for him. Either I be sincere because it is god’s day and I have to do everything well. Or be sincere because as something may not demand sincerity like folding a bed sheet. I may fold it quickly or clumsily. But soon realizing that I can cast the clumsiness and offer the ‘folding’ to God, I then proceed in sincerity my attitude to several ‘bed sheet-moments’ of the day. Sincerity and sincerity especially of this kind is aiding me in being a better person everyday. Allowing God to enter my life and providing new meaning to life’s ordinary activities.

Church Hymns are beautiful melodies

At the easter solemn mass, I was singing hymns in all gusto. I realized that these hymns are poignant and melodious. Why were these hymns not dull. Something that was forced out of our mouths to give praises to god? Why were these hymns not just poetry that are incompatible with their melody? No. But they are rich in striking a chord with our souls and allowing us to exalt god. I then realized what God did. He reserved the best of the melodies for himself.

Prayer and Action

I pray quite a lot of late in the morning and in the bus. I pray on the way to college and on the way back, in the trains. St. Jose Maria said, “The street is the cell for every christian to pray and find god” I do that, I don’t waste too much time thinking about frivolous things but I pray. But are these prayers and ‘plan of life’ aiding me to be a better person everyday what with so many actions that I perform and choices I make every moment everywhere? It should. These things should help me. If I am reading [the bible] but am not any of what I read then why do I read? What really do I wish to achieve? How really do I love god if not like how He wants me? Where do I find that love if not where he has bequeathed it and If not in people just like me who long for love, a smile or a few words? If I do not find love in all of these then what really do I expect from the Invisible when I cannot love the visible as a token of my love?

Morning has broken...

I was walking down my building on my way to college early in the morning with my bag on my back. I was going down a slope and watching the whole world ready to invite me into its hustle and bustle. I was going to leave a ‘convenient caged serenity’-my home and join the world’s madness, new problems, new challenges, new issues, things to submit, people to answer, things I have forgotten to do and people to apologize to, places to run to and people to convince, words to be said and hours of listening, things to be brought and activities to be remembered, reminders to be set and responsibilities to be executed. This was the world…the morning was going to collapse into, My Morning. I was already tired. The first few calories spent and my mind was exhausted and already throwing in the towel. I just then remembered God and reminded myself, “Woe to me if I don’t bring Cheer to God’s day” I walked swiftly…not a minute to waste…my morning is already giving way.