The guilt of Insincerity

Two days back I was sitting with Michelle in class. We were all talking about who studies and how much. Of late I have been dwelling a lot on St. Josemaria's words in The Way: One hour of study for a modern apostle is one hour of prayer.
Michelle kept calling me 'scholar boy' and said she never studies at all. Siddesh also was derided for studying with 3 books. Well I got thinking that I don't study often because I want to or because I find myself a 'scholar boy'. I do it because insincerity kills me from within. Insincerity pains me to such an extent that I do not know what else to do but take refuge in sincerity.